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Saturday, August 04, 2007

still moving forward

Last night, I went to a screening of a bunch of short local films at Angel with a bunch of fellow locals. By local, I mean my local - Singaporeans. Shoba, EL, Evonne and I. There were a bunch of ang mohs at the screening and I wonder what they thought, what they took out, and whether it made any sense at all to them. The films were all subtitled in English, even the English narratives because it was real people talking to camera and we all know that your average Singaporean doesn't speak English, he speaks Singlish. (There's also Manglish apparently, which is the Malaysian form of English).

Walking back from Angel with EL, he said, "You know, I don't think I'm ready to go back to Singapore yet. Seeing those films about Singapore, set in Singapore, I dont. Yet." I replied that I felt exactly the same. Sitting and cringing in the basement room, I have to say I felt the same way but a step further. I don't want to return to the Singaporean way of life. EL said something else that was pretty spot on - he said that he could see himself returning to that way of life but he didn't want to, yet. But for me, I never fit in back home and I was always different.

It's not all great at the moment and I must say that I've come to a hurdle. I need to cross that hurdle and move forward because I don't want to move back.

My parents are coming to London for a vacation and I'm really happy to be seeing them soon. I miss them. I miss my room. I miss my (favourite) grandma. I miss my twinnie. I miss a lot of things. But Singapore's no longer my home and I'm not a part of it and I have to move on.

Read more decisions, small or gigantic at Sunday Scribblings.


Patois said...

Wow! Is that going to be a surprise to your parents and your (favorite) grandmother?

Hope said...

Moving on doesn't mean giving up, it means taking the best of, with you. Good luck!


Me and my Toffee Nut Latte from the patron saint of coffee herself - St.Arbucks.